How to Create Your Wedding Guest List
We’ll help you keep the drama to a minimum.
Let's talk about one of the trickiest parts of wedding planning: deciding who gets an invite! Whether you want to celebrate with everyone you know or prefer to keep things intimate, your guest list ultimately comes down to two things: your budget and your venue capacity.
But never fear! We're here to help you create your perfect wedding guest list without all the stress. This guide covers everything from plus-ones to parent expectations, with practical tips, tricks, and timelines.
First Things First: Setting Your Parameters
Set yourself up for guest list success by sorting out these basics first:
- Determine your maximum guest count based on your budget and venue capacity
- Decide on your stance regarding plus-ones and children
- Choose whether this will be a local or destination celebration
- Consider if you want a more intimate gathering or a grander party
Pro Tip: Remember that on average, about 15–20% of invited guests won't be able to attend. That number can be closer to 30-40% for destination weddings or weddings around a holiday.
A word of caution about over-inviting: While it might be tempting to invite more people than your venue can actually hold (thinking, "Oh, they'll never all come!"), we strongly advise against this strategy. You'd be surprised by how many people will move heaven and earth to attend your wedding! Trust us, you don't want to end up in an awkward situation where you have more "yes" RSVPs than your venue can accommodate.
Haven on the Farm | Heather McCormick Photography
Drafting Your Initial Guest List
Time to sit down with your partner and start dreaming up your perfect celebration crew! We recommend grabbing your favorite beverages, opening a fresh spreadsheet, and doing a complete brain dump of everyone you might want to invite. Don't worry about numbers just yet—this is your "dream list" phase, where you'll write down every name that comes to mind. (Don’t get overwhelmed—we'll help you pare it down!)
Must-Invites:
- Immediate or closest family
- Wedding party
- Best friends
Nice-to-Haves:
- Extended family
- Friend groups
- Coworkers
- College buddies
- Parents' friends
The "Maybe" List:
- Recent acquaintances
- Plus-ones for unmarried or single guests
- Distant relatives
- Professional contacts
Whoever your Parents/Families Want to Invite:
- See “Managing Family Expectations” below
Once you've got everyone on your dream list, it's time to start making intentional decisions based on your venue capacity, budget, and the overall vibe you want for your wedding. While there are many people you will want to invite, having that many invites available isn’t always realistic. Especially if you have parents or family members with a wedding guest wish list of their own…
Managing Family Expectations
Whether your parents or in-laws are contributing financially or just have strong opinions about the guest list, managing family expectations can get downright complicated. The key is approaching these conversations with clarity, kindness, and well-defined boundaries. Remember that while input from family is valuable, this is ultimately your and your partner’s celebration.
If parents/guardians or in-laws are contributing to the wedding (financially or otherwise), here's how to handle guest list contribution discussions:
- Schedule a sit-down meeting to discuss both the wedding budget and guest count
- Come prepared with your ideal numbers
- Be clear about venue capacity limitations
- Have a “split” in mind for how you’d like to allocate guest list contributions
- Some couples opt to split the guest list into thirds – giving an equal number of invites to themselves, as well as the two sides of the family. Some will invite 50% of guests, with 25% of the guest list allotted to each family. Others will allot more guests based on family size or financial contributions. There’s no “right” way to do it, so divvy up the guest list in the way that feels best for you!
- Set clear deadlines for receiving their guest lists
- Establish some ground rules (see Sticky Situations below for guidance)
Once you've had these initial conversations with family, you'll likely face some specific guest list scenarios that require some extra finesse...
The White Barn Venue | Capturing Moments Photography
Sticky Situations – Solved
Even the most carefully planned guest lists can run into some tricky territory. Here's our advice for handling some of the most common guest list dilemmas with grace.
One way to manage your guest list is by only extending a plus-one to wedding guests that are married, engaged, in your wedding party, or in a serious long-term relationship. Beyond that, you don't need to offer a plus-one to every single guest! The only exception to this is a destination wedding: Err on the side of generosity here so your guests don't have to fly solo (literally!).
- Set clear criteria for who gets a plus-one
- Be consistent with your rules
- Make exceptions for wedding party members or guests traveling long distances
Hash out this issue with your partner and come to a unified agreement. Then, let your guests know your stance in a detailed yet graceful manner. The earlier the better, as parents may need to make special arrangements either way.
- Decide early if you're having an adults-only celebration
- Make your policy clear on invitations
- Consider if you will make any exceptions
- Think about offering childcare options
A wedding guest "B-list" refers to sending out a second round of invitations after some "no" replies come in from the initial list. If you decide to go this route, be discreet! The last thing you want is for your work friends to discover their invitations were sent out months after everyone else's. #awkward
- Create a secondary guest list for people you'd like to invite if space allows
- Order extra invitations just in case
- Be strategic about when you send these invitations
- Keep this list private to avoid hurt feelings. Or avoid it entirely to be on the safe side!
There's no "right" or "wrong" way to create your guest list, but there are some tried-and-true strategies that can help make your decisions a little easier. Establish guidelines that you, your fiancé, and your respective families can agree upon. Here are some examples:
- The "All or None" Method: Either invite all cousins or no cousins, all children or no children, all coworkers or no coworkers, etc.
- The "Both Have Meet" Policy: Only invite people both you and your partner have met.
- The "No Ring, No Bring" Approach: Limit plus-ones to married/engaged couples or long-term/living together relationships.
- The “Haven’t Spoke in Years” Plan: Your wedding probably isn’t the best place to rebuild relationships with people you’ve lost touch with.
Greenhouse Loft | Hannah Walkowaik Photography
Guest List Timeline
Follow this timeline to keep your guest list management running smoothly and avoid any last-minute mania.
- Start your preliminary guest list
- Discuss expectations with family
- Begin collecting addresses and plugging them into a spreadsheet
- Finalize your guest list
- Continue collecting addresses
- Send out save-the-dates
- Arrange hotel room blocks for out-of-town guests
- Make sure you have everyone's mailing address
- Order wedding invitations
- Put together your rehearsal dinner guest list
- Decide whether or not you want formalized seating
- Order favors and/or wedding welcome bags if you're doing them
- Mail out those invitations!
- Track RSVPs and meal choices
- RSVPs are typically due 2–3 weeks after mailing.
- As the "No" replies roll in, you can give your B-list some love. This is your chance to extend invitations to anyone you really wanted to include but couldn't fit in the first round. (Just be super discreet about it!)
- Follow up with anyone who hasn't RSVP'd yet
- Begin putting together your seating chart if having formal seating arrangements
- Send out rehearsal dinner invitations
- Create or order a seating chart and/or place cards
- Follow up on missing RSVPs
- Give final guest count numbers to your venue/caterer and necessary vendors
- Finalize seating arrangements with any last-minute changes
- Write and mail thank-you notes
- Thank-you notes for gifts received on your wedding day should be sent out within 3 months
Ronin Art House | Drea Gonza Photo
Remember: Your wedding day is about celebrating your love with the people who matter most to you. While managing a guest list can feel overwhelming, staying organized and consistent will help make the process smoother. And if you need help finding the perfect venue to accommodate your guest list, we've got you covered!