Ten Rules to Live By
Advice for brides while planning a wedding.
by HCTG staff writer Patrick Totty
1. Remember, your mother is only a temporary enemy.
At times it may seem like your mother’s desires are not aligned with yours, and that she has completely lost sight of the fact that this is your wedding. Don’t despair. Eventually, because she is an oxygen breather like you, she will inhale that big gulp of air and calm down. When she does, take a deep breath yourself. Then you can begin restoring the natural balance between you, going from Raving Neurotic Bitch Dictator vs. Resentful Trembling 3-Year-Old back to Loving Mother and Competent Daughter. One day, hopefully in the not-too-distant future, you can sit down to afternoon tea and laugh your butts off over the whole thing.
2. Have a little respect for Daddy’s credit card.
Someone has to pay for the most important day of your life, and if that person happens to be your father, don’t max out his credit card just because you can. After all, if you don’t leave him enough money for his retirement, he might have to come live with you!
3. Stick to recognizable food and your reception will go well.
“Recognizable” doesn’t mean you can’t slip in a little tofu or some whole grains. Just make sure that whatever you’re serving looks familiar enough to eat. Avoid questionable presentations (hmmm, perhaps that salmon mousse does look a little off-putting with the fish head and tail attached), anything with tentacles, and sauces that have been color-enhanced to match the mauve tablecloths.
4. If you feel you must invite old boyfriends, invite only the ones who can’t attend.
Ponder this one, grasshopper. There is great wisdom here.
5. Don’t forget: that man in the corner is your fiancé.
While you may have intended to plan the entire wedding yourself, consider including him in the process. Because he loves you, he’ll tag along with you to the florist, caterer, photographer and wedding planner. And because he loves you, he’ll forgive you for saying stream-of-consciousness things like, “Oh honey don’t you just love this it’s so adorable how does it look on me oooh I just have to have it!” Even though he probably won’t share your boundless enthusiasm for picking out party favors or linens, he’ll do what he can—chauffeur you around and say “uh-huh” a lot, despite the fact that he really doesn’t understand much of what’s going on.