Wedding Thank-You Notes: A Small Thing That’s a Big Deal
Posted by Jan on Apr 07, 2008. Filed under Expert Advice, Invitations, Vera Wang
Comments (68), Permalink
I rarely go to weddings (maybe it’s because most of my social circle is either already married or never going to be), but a year ago a friend invited me to one.
As my friend’s date I wasn’t obligated to bring a gift, but I’d I’d been told the bride and groom liked to cook, so I got them a few of my favorite kitchen gadgets from Sur La Table as a wedding present. I put my present on a table with dozens of other gifts, and hoped that it wouldn’t get lost in the pile.
I was fairly certain that soon after the wedding I would receive a thank-you note for my modest-but-thoughtful-and-super-practical gift. Alas, the postman never brought one. Months passed, and I wondered…Did the couple not like my gift? Had it disappeared? Been regifted? Eventually I just forgot about it altogether.
Until yesterday, that is. I flipped through my mail and was surprised to see the long-awaited thank-you note. Oh it was beautiful, all right—handwritten, very personal. But I have to say I had mixed emotions: Sure, it was great to know that my gift had been received and, in fact, “loved.” But I couldn’t help feeling that I shouldn’t have had to wait an entire year to learn that my present hadn’t been disliked, lost or regifted after all.
Actually, Emily Post states that thank-you notes should be written within 3 months of the receipt of the gift.
Moral of the story: Honor your guests—don’t wait a year to send out your thank-you notes!
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Comments
No Offense Ladies…..But Life Happens. I Have Read In MANY Articles That The Couple Has 1 Year To Do So. PLUS, Usually, The Bride & Groom Either Send A Pic W/Their Thank Yous OR Their Whole Thank You Card Is Of Their Wedding Pics. I Have Seen & Heard Horror Stories First Hand Of Photographers NOT Getting The Pictures To The Couple W/In Weeks After Their Wedding! Sometimes Months!! PLUS, The Right Thing To Do Is Personally Write Something On Their Cards…If You Are Writting Out 150-200 Cards, It’s Time Consuming…..I Have Had Many Times Where A Couple Has Taken A Year. I’m Fine W/It As Long As I Eventually Get One! You Never Know What Might Be Happening In Their Lives….Especially Today W/The Economy, Recession…Etc. What If Jobs Had Been Lost Or They’re In Extreme Financial Debt….Thank You’s Cost Money & So Do Stamps….So Maybe That’s Another Reason Why There May Be A Delay. IF THEY NEVER SEND IT OR ACKNOWLEDGE ANY THANK YOU….Well, That’s Wrong!!!!!
I think you should send thank you notes as soon as you have a photo of your wedding to put in them. I’ve been fretting about this personally as I’ve been waiting for my wedding photos to come I was married about a month ago. Its good to see that the standard is three months after the date. Hopefully will have my pictures by then.
Sounds like the op is bitter. Better late than never, but I’d much rather a passive aggressive stranger NOT give me a gift…Especially if she ate, drank, and danced at my wedding when I didn’t even know her. Your lucky you got invited, period. A “friend” asked you? A gracious bride indeed. if your name was not on the invite, going is just rude. But I’m assuming you just thought she was cool with it. She probably thought you were equally cool with not being the center of her world being you bought her some cool kitchen gadgets in her first year of marriage. Marriage is a sacred thing. She sent you a thank you. You shared a special moment of her life, drank and ate on her dime. Shame on you for watching the clock and calling her out on the net. She owes you nothing.
This is my motto,“If you have time to cash the check, you have time to send a thank you.” Someone else took the time to either go to your wedding or send you a check in the mail an to not be acknowledged within a timely manner is just plain rude. I agree that it should be done within a 3 month time limit. That waiting till a year is way to long. Why even bother after that long, most people will have already been pissed off an then forgotten abt it!
I think that gift receiveres should send thank you notes within 2-4 weeks after returning from their honeymoon (if they go right after the ceremony). I attended a wedding and my husband stood up in it a year ago and we just received the thank you card that said nothing about the wedding gift or my husband standing for them. i think this is so rude! A year is way too long to wait to thank people who spent time and money on you. Gifts are expensive and people should appreciate them. I am due any day now with my first baby and have had 4 baby showers…..despite my pregnancy induced carple tunnel which makes it almost impossible to write….I wrote and sent out all my thank you cards out within a week of each shower! It is called decency, lack of laziness and unselfishness. I also work full time and we were renovating our home and found plenty of time.
If you enjoy receiving gifts both tangible and monetary then you also have the time to write a thank you note. Period. Everyone posting that they are too busy or had too many guests to keep up are just excuse makers. If you invite more than 250 people to your wedding…expect to have writers cramp because quite frankly, it’s absolutely self centered to believe it is okay to receive ANY gift regardless of the occasion and not send a thank you note.
I went to a wedding one month ago. The bride isn’t even a close friend of mine (she’s a family member of a friend). Not only did I provide a monetary envelope at the wedding, I also sent a gift and I’ve received NOTHING. Unreal.
This is common courtesy and manners…something greatly missing from this country right now. We need to stop making excuses and just get down to it and write the thank you’s.
Everyone on here complaining they are too busy to write a thank you card…have any of you spent 30 minutes doing nothing at a Starbucks? Bring a pen next time.
A YEAR??? Are you for real? Too busy? You weren’t TOO BUSY to write the invites which assured you of that gift you so carelessly now are lacking common sense to timely thank the giver for AND the giver wasn’t too busy to give.. three months is more than enough time to write a gracious note of appreciation for the gift and their time sharing your day with you…. don’t expect a response for future “baby shower/gift, housewarming gift, etc. they will be TOO BUSY..
I was raised to porperly thank people who give gifts regardless of the occasion so of course, when I ordered my Invitations, I automatically ordered coordinating thank you notes…I had 2 showers a month before my wedding while my now husband was preparing for a very serious career boosting move (testing, board interviews, etc.) I planned my own wedding with no help while working 60 hours a week. Needless to say we were exhausted by the time the wedding day arrived. We got back from a 2 week long Honeymoon about 2 weeks ago…we are still cleaning up after the “wedding bomb” went off - we feel like we are playong catch up, and well, we are. I have been home sick and blah, blah, on and on…My point? Life happens to all of us. In my opinion, the thought should be there to write a note to each of your guests who brought you a wedding gift and waiting a year seems a bit excessive. We have organized all the gifts, made a list of who gave what, bought all the stamps, and are ready to write. That being said, assuming 3 months is the newest “deadline” seems a bit much to expect. My husband has gotten this amazing promotion he worked so hard for, we have a lot of things going on at home too, tryng to settle in. And those folks that didn’t bring a gift but drank up a storm? I hear guests have up to a year to send a gift which is why Registries remain active…So why do they have a year to “offend” me, leave me thinking they couldn’t be bothered…even for a Hallmark card, to acknowledge our wedding but I have to scramble when I am sickly to ensure they don’t get “offended”? Doesn’t make a lot of sense. I think there are too many message boards and books that give Couples so many mixed messages and advice that is all a bit off. A wedding, I have learned opens up all kinds of debates. Everyone is entitled to their opinion but with all the pressure on newlyweds to get a note in the mail fresh off the plane from their Honeymoon misses the point completely. Are we all so self absorbed that we are more consumed with everyone else’s feelings about 2 months, 3 months, 6 months and so on that we all miss the point? I am on a sick day but sitting on the couch writing my thank you notes. I would hope that my guest receiving this note, appreciates the note and with that, know how much I appreciated their generosity, regardless of what day of the week they receive it. Or do they have so little time themselves, that they waste more energy obsessing over my life, how long it’s been, and how dare I send it three months later?
wow… i am so glad that most of you arent my friends. i agree that a personal thank you note is very important and should be done in a proper time, but some people should realize that the chaos sometimes starts after the wedding is over for the bride and groom. For the person that insists her friend is “disgusting” for not sending a thank you promptly enough even though she didnt take a honeymoon needs to realize that even if a couple doesnt go away after the wedding doesnt mean that they dont need time for one another. i got married almost 6 months ago and am just now getting to send all mine out. i had intentions of getting them out sooner, but serious family matters has been more important that a formality. and its not like i didnt spend my reception going table to table thanking each guest. just because someone doesnt work on your timeline doesnt make them ungrateful or self centered, it just means they are busy. maybe your disgusting friend is going through a rough patch and you should call and check on her. just think before you judge.
Ok, here’s my motto. If you had time to cash the check, then you have time to write a thank you note. It is just common courtesy to try an get your thank you notes out in a timely manner. People have all kinds of excuses for why they don’t have time but bottom line is you were glad to get the gifts so show your appreciation an get those thank you notes out as soon as possible. No later than 3 months!!!
Hello! Honestly, I got married on the 4th of July, I feel sooo awful for not sending out my Thank you cards yet and Its totally my fault I have been soo busy!!! :( And Also am waiting for my photographer to get me the pictures I need for my thank you card. So I agree that no more than 4-6 months for sending them out. People do have busy lives but a year that’s insane!! Lol
My wedding was three months ago and I am just starting to write my thank you notes. I feel awful that I did not get them done sooner… really awful.
I designed my thank you notes myself and it took a while to get them finished and printed. But 3 months is way too long and the guilt is not fun.
Obviously I can make excuses and such about being busy with work, new house, etc.. but there is no point. They should have been done and sent at least a month ago and I know that!!
My question is… since my thank you notes are going to be SO late, do I apologize to people within the thank you note and address my lateness?
I think a year is good enough..of course if you can do it sooner its better. If a person spends the time to buy your gift then you should take the time to say: “Thank You.“and I agree that it should all be about the same time period.
I have always heard that you have one year to send out your thank you cards for wedding gifts. I had most of mine out within six months (it takes awhile when you have several hundred people at your wedding and you are personalizing each message), but because we moved twice and I got pregnant my first year of marriage. I had a few cards that were stashed away and I forgot about until about 10 months after the wedding. I sent them and included an apology for it taking so long. Regarding showers, I personally don’t expect thank you cards from a shower, when I am present, and a thank you is expressed. I agree with Julie…people are busy, and it can’t always be done right away! If someone gets mad that they don’t receive a thank you in three months, I wouldn’t want their gift anyways. Now I have baby shower thank yous to think about. I’m inviting less people, because I know I won’t have the time for a bunch of those!
If writing a thank you note is going to be too much trouble for you, please let me know up front. And my gift to you will be NO GIFT so you don’t have to be burdened with writing a 2 sentence line (which could even be emailed as far as I am concerned).....
Im happy when I receive an ivitation that the couple wants me at the wedding. We eat, drink, dance and have a great time and I know they are thankful I am there, I don’t look or wait for any thank you note in the mail!
If you are TOO BUSY and too stressed to take the time to send thank you notes; then perhaps you are TOO BUSY to spend so much time planning and throwing such a big wedding.
If you invite people to a GIFT GIVING OCCASION, you automatically OBLIGATE yourself to sending out thank you notes in a TIMELY MANNER.
How would YOU feel if everyone who came to your bridal shower showed up empty handed? Explaining that they are SO BUSY and stressed out right now and would get around to giving your gift ‘when things settled down’?!?!
If you have time to:
Invite guests / expect them to bring a gift
open said gifts
USE and appreciate those gifts on a daily basis
YOU DO HAVE TIME TI WRITE THANK YOU NOTES. PERIOD.
My grandson recently got married, their thank you notes were in the mailbox of the guests four-days after the honeymoon. Sounds good but I am morified to find out my daughter put together a thank you writing party the day after they returned. Bride and groom, bride’s parents, my daugher and son-in-law and they ALL wrote the thank you’s! FOR SURE I WANT COMMENTS!