Thank Me For Coming to The Bridal Shower
Posted by Lisa on Apr 28, 2008. Filed under Bridal Showers, Expert Advice, Invitations, Planning
Comments (12), Permalink
I am utterly shocked. The second of today’s Dear Abby questions was from a Kansas woman who had just attended quite possibly the rudest bridal shower ever. After the gifts were opened, the guests were instructed to address, stamp, and write their own thank you notes. Once the guests properly congratulated themselves on the gifts they brought, all that was left for the bride to do was sign her name to the bottom of each card.
The take-home message of course was that the bride couldn’t be bothered to do more than autograph her name, and that somehow that autograph was worth a stamped & self-addressed envelope. Not only that, but I’m guessing the party couldn’t have become less festive once this thank-you note assembly line began.
I’m not naïve enough to think that this is how Kansas brides have been taught to behave. This woman obviously “went renegade” from her formal etiquette training, and was probably even patting herself on the back when she came up with a plan to avoid those pesky hand cramps. But I do believe that California brides can do so much better than this. That’s why I’m calling on all of you, from the sandy shores of San Diego to the lofty mountains of Lake Tahoe, to not only write your own thank you notes for your bridal shower and wedding gifts (“duh” doesn’t even begin to describe my feelings on that subject!), but to make the notes special.
In this age of emails instead of letters and crackly cell phone calls instead of friendly one-on-one visits, I ask you to not only thank these people for their thoughtful gifts and time, but to really mean it. I challenge you to insert one short, personalized phrase into the usual thank-you note template that shows that you not only appreciate the present, but you actually know the person who gave it to you. And if you can’t think of anything interesting to say to these guests, I’d recommend revising your next invite list with a bright red pen.
Those extra few moments of thought may be tiring, but imagining how you’ll make your guests’ day a little brighter after they made your day a memorable one might help you through those last few sentences.
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Comments
Honestly, if I had to choose, I think I’d much, much prefer not getting a thank you at all, as long as I got a nice, sincere hug along with a “thanks” from the bride as I left the shower.
But, ideally, we shouldn’t have to choose, right?
One of my friends (I’m in her bridal party) had everyone address their thank - you card. :( Of course, she also included registry info in the wedding invitation and planned her own bridal shower, so I wasn’t too surprised.
Well IMO, this scenario is much more offensive than not receiving a thank you note! I read the original post and it appears variations of this are not that uncommon. Wow.
Well, now that I have picked myself up off the floor I will try to find family-friendly words to describe my horror at this scenario. First, the bride, along with her mother, should be taken out and spanked, very hard. Secondly, the guests at this event should have corporately stood to their feet and left en masse.
I had no idea that the abuse of etiquette had sunk to such depths. I am truly appalled and would love to have the opportunity to say those very words to the “bridezilla” and her mother.
And I agree with the thought that California brides can do SO much better, though location shouldn’t matter at all.
I agree, spankings should be administered. I’ve heard it’s become the norm to do what Stephanie’s friend did and include the wedding registry info in the invitation. Call me old fashioned, but I still think that’s a little on the tacky side too. Your guests should know you or someone in your party well enough to find out where to shop.
California brides, Kansas brides, ANY brides can do better than this. So glad to see others are as incensed as I was!
Man, I still feel a little put out when my *dentist* has me address my own 6-month reminder card. Asking me to address my own thank you note (let alone writing it!) is pushing it.
I guess planning your own bridal shower as Stephanie mentioned could be considered a little ballsy, but at least doing that relieves someone else of the burden of handling it. Having people address their own envelopes is the opposite of that…
Brides, if you want to make sure you have the correct address for each of your guests—how about asking guests to check their address on your printed list or how about asking them to sign your guestbook/scrapbook with their mailing & email addresses?
Otherwise, I’m with Meredith. I’d prefer just a really sincere in-person thank-you at the party.
I always have to fill out a postcard at the gynecologist once a year and find it tiresome…come on, it’s an office—export that data to a spreadsheet and make address labels, people!! I have experienced the “fill out your own envelope” routine at both bridal and baby showers, and find that even more tiresome. Perhaps the hostesses got the idea at their gyno offices—not the place I would turn to for etiquette advice. This is just too much…reminds me of those thank-you cards for small children with uncertain handwriting that just require the fill-in-the-blank method. I agree with Mere…a warm thank-you in person is much better.
Wow. This is indeed an awful story and one that truly breaks the etiquette rules. A handwritten note or even a “thank you” note says much about the sincerity and thoughtfulness of the bride. Sadly, the last wedding I attended, the bride and groom didn’t even bother to send “thank you” cards in the mail.
I just got done with my sister, Sandy’s bridal shower. My sister-in-law was put in charge of doing the invitations and she noticed from the bride-to-be’s invite list that there was a lot of typos and incorrect information. We decided that we would have each guest write their address on a envelope for their thank you card and we would then update her address book. This way we know the thank you card will get to the guests and my sister will have the most current information on how to reach them in the future. I was a little nervous how people (mostly my Mother’s friends) would react to it and it got a warm welcome. Some people even said they thought it was a clever because some of them had recently moved and hadn’t had time to give her their new address. It is really hard to please everybody and I think we also need to remember all that a bride has to do when planning her wedding. If my sister-in-law and I could take one task of Sandy’s plate and make doing her shower thank you cards a little easier than I am happy! When Emily Post wrote about etiquette, weddings weren’t so large of a production and people didn’t move around as much. I wonder if she would change her mind now that brides have multiple pre-wedding events and guest lists that reach over 200 people.
@Denise - I loved reading your story. This sheds a whole new light on the topic and reminds me of one of my favorite sayings, “It’s all about the energy.” The way this was handled does make perfect sense to me - in part because I sensed the bride really wanted to offer thanks and this would insure that happened. As compared to just wanting to pass off some of the “hard labor” associated with being a bride. :-)
That was very awful… very shameful. I think the guests should be thanked seriously and not that way. To think that they give effort to make her bridal shower successful as possible, they don’t deserve that! Well, pity on those guests as well as those little thank you notes. But for other soon-to-be bride who’d like to show a sincere gratitude and appreciation to your guests, visit http://www.americanbridal.com to see a variety of cute wedding and shower thank notes.
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Wow. I don’t know what is more awful—that scenario or not receiving a thank you note at all.