I shopped at Victoria’s Secret when I got married. Even in those olden days (13 years ago…or was it 14? Have to check my notes…), the trip to VS was part of the pre-wedding ritual. In real Victorian times, a woman’s trousseau was given to her by female relatives and included lots of white cotton underthings that covered her from neck to ankle.
When I shopped in the pre-millennium, the theme of Victoria’s Secret bridal collection was romance. There were several dreamy satin negligees to choose from, with appropriately frothy accessories (like the white plumed pen and satin guest book I purchased). For my wedding night costume, I selected a cream-colored ensemble that included a sheer lace-topped peignoir with a swirling mid-calf skirt. The matching robe had a shawl collar that, like the sleeves, was edged in dainty lace. Overall, I thought the effect was classy yet alluring. (Though my husband was indeed snoring off tequila shots by the time I changed into it, I’m happy to report the outfit did have a successful debut during our honeymoon.)
When the VS digital catalog hit my Inbox this morning, I was a tad surprised when I perused the 2008 Bridal Collection, called “Sexy Little Things.” The “babydolls” don’t even qualify to have the word “nightie” in their name anymore…and they’re little alright, as in barely long enough to cover a gal’s hoo hoo. Gone is the romance theme, replaced by, well, sex. It’s right there in the title! And VS is unabashed by this, pointedly calling their line of edible boudoir sauces “Booty Parlor.” I guess that’s supposed to be a play on “beauty parlor,” but it just sounds trashy to me. And while the “Sexy Little Bride” diamante hoodie makes an appropriate fashion statement at wedding fairs, and the VS blue-bow garter will help you complete your “something” bridal checklist, the pink satin pumps with black feathers just say “Cathouse.”
Let’s be honest here—If you need the enticement of a ruffle eye mask and a turquoise nipple-baring bra at the dawn of your marriage, then imagine where you’ll be, bedroom-wise, in say, 13 or 14 years! (Excuse me, I have to go place my online order for some Kissable Massage oil and a Booty Parlor seduction kit… Happy Anniversary, baby!)