Love Note Ceremony
Posted by Lisa on Oct 19, 2009. Filed under Ceremony, Sex Romance Relationships, Wedding Ideas
Comments (6), Permalink
I recently attended a wedding that included a tradition I’d never seen before: a love note ceremony.
Before their wedding, the bride and groom both write a good old-fashioned love letter to each other, expressing in detail how they feel about their relationship. They’re not allowed to see the other’s letters or show them to anyone else. The letters are then sealed and given to the officiant at the ceremony, who locks them in a box with a bottle of good wine, creating a time capsule and emergency wedding kit in one. If the bride and groom ever feel that the marriage is in jeopardy, they’ll open the box, drink the wine, and read the letters together. This particular couple has agreed to open the box on their 25th wedding anniversary if they never feel a need to open it sooner.
I loved the idea. Marriage is by no means easy, and sometimes we’re so focused on romance we occasionally forget that very important fact. But wow: I didn’t realize how controversial the love note ceremony was until we got to the reception! Some agreed it was a sweet idea, but others felt it was too depressing to be included at a wedding. I think one guest said it best: “Why make everyone wonder if this marriage is going to last before the celebration’s even over?”
Wedding guests on both sides of the issue raised some valid points, and I’d like to keep the discussion going. What do you think about the love note ceremony?
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Comments
We did this ceremony, and everyone loved it! It seems like great insurance in case we ever (god forbid) begin taking each other for granted. We upped the ante and had each member of the bridal party include a note as well. If we never use it, which we expect to never do, we’ll have those beautiful letters to share with our children one day.
We’ve seen so many marriages go up in smoke, and we thought this would be a great way to keep us in touch with why we said I DO in the first place, in case of emergency.
There is another way to do this ceremony, which me and my FI plan on doing. In case the marriage is ever in jeopardy, we will write love notes to each other to be opened on our 1st anniversary (or 5th), along with a bottle of wine, so we can celebrate one year of marriage.
Brit: While I think it’s such a nice idea, the only problem I can see with that plan is making sure both husband and wife agree to write those love notes when you’re already having a problem—and that they both take these love notes seriously!
For me, it’s hard to step out of my current mindset when my husband and I disagree: and the stakes are so much higher if you’re under pressure to write a love note that’ll “save” your marriage when you’re already upset!
I realized I typed my message incorrectly - I meant to say that instead of writing the letters as an “in case the marriage is in jeopardy,” we will just be writing love notes to each other to open on our 1st (or 5th, we haven’t decided) anniversary. Just as a little gift to ourselves. We will not be including the whole “if the marriage is in jeopardy” part.
Sorry for not being more clear - I think my words got ahead of my thoughts!!
I am doing the same thing as Brit on this one. I love the idea of having love notes but the whole “marriage in jeopardy” thing is not something I want said at my wedding. I am trying to figure out when to put this in the ceremony. I wanted to have the vows, rings, then the ceremony, and then kiss and pronounced as husband and wife. Any ideas?
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What a fun idea!! You should always plan to be together forever but sometimes when the rough times come, it can be good to remember the good things about each other and relive some memories to help let the current issues past. I am not sure it should be part of the ceremony. I think it could be pre-ceremony and not lose it’s effect.
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